


Sometimes, a Cigar is Just a Cigar

by corchen



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: Crack, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-01-04
Updated: 2012-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-28 22:13:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/312719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corchen/pseuds/corchen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title says it all...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar. In fact, most of the time a cigar is just a cigar, and it was that particular fact which had lead to the predicament in which Helena currently found herself. Every now and then, Helena liked to unwind after a particularly strenuous day with a glass of brandy and a cuban cigar - a habit she had picked up from Charles. She’d had to move from her traditional spot - a soft armchair by the fire - to a lounger on the deck outside but as the weather was perfectly warm even late into the evening that wasn’t a hardship. It seemed that the scent of a good cigar was no longer something that was welcome indoors, although she hadn’t noticed any of her colleagues objecting. Still, convention was convention, and the B&B was a ‘no-smoking establishment’, and that was that.

They never did work out how it had happened.Helena thought it was a property of the artefact itself, Artie suspected an Act of Claudia, Claudia claimed she had nothing to do with it but admitted that she did think it was pretty funny, Pete was too busy laughing and Myka... well, Myka had other things on her mind.

The cigar that night had not been just a cigar. It had been one of Freud’s cigars, somehow hiding in Helena’s miniature humidor, just waiting to work it’s insidious trick. Helena had barely lit the cigar, taken only a few mouthfuls of the heavy smoke before she felt an unusual pulling sensation in her groin. It wasn’t painful, wasn’t even unpleasant, in fact she would even go so far as to admit that it was rather pleasurable, but it was also just not right.

She looked down, not entirely sure what she expected to see, and there it was. An unmistakable bulge in her pants. Well.... bother. What was she supposed to do with one of _those_? She poked it experimentally, just to confirm her suspicions. Yes, that was definitely attached. She frowned and looked at the cigar in her hand, realising for the first time that it wasn’t her usual Cohiba - it looked almost the same, which was why she hadn’t noticed that it wasn’t, but it was very definitely not the cigar she had thought it was. Cigar. Sudden appearance of a penis. Well, that was all rather self-explanatory, wasn’t it? Damn Freud and his ridiculous penis-envy theories. Well, Helena certainly wasn’t suffering from penis envy any more.

She carefully put out the cigar, hoping (but not really expecting) that her extra appendage would disappear as quickly as it had appeared, but alas, it was not to be. Things were never that easy, were they? The next course of action was to pull out the artefact envelope that she had in her inside pocket - she did always like to be prepared - and drop the cigar into it. There was the expected crackle of purple sparks but, as she had feared, there was no sign of her... unnecessary accessory disappearing.

She pursed her lips thoughtfully. She needed to look at the entry on Freud’s cigars, because although she remembered that they existed and this was the effect that they had - she had no idea how to get rid of the blasted thing now that it was there. She had a feeling that there was a very simple way to get rid of the thing, she just couldn’t remember what it was.

She just hoped it wouldn’t be as difficult to fix as the time she had been turned into a frog. It had taken them almost a week to find a princess to kiss her, a week which Helena still couldn’t remember without getting an unbearable craving for bluebottles. So when it came down to it, on the general scale of peculiar things that had happened to her during her tenure as a Warehouse Agent, finding herself with a surprise penis didn’t really rank right up there at the top.

So she needed to look at the artefact file. She knew that there was one - the blasted thing (things, really, there was a box containing a dozen of the cigars, missing only three - four now, she supposed) had been in the Warehouse for almost forty years. Thank Heaven that she had been assiduous in updating herself, reading through all of the reports since she had been Bronzed. Unfortunately, she had only had time to skim, meaning to come back and go over everything in more detail later, and so she didn't know any of the pertinent details - a hundred years of new artefacts was quite a lot of data to assimilate. Still, it was enough that she recognised the cigars, which was a godsend.

How was she going to get a look at the file though? It was almost nine in the evening. She could just drive over to the Warehouse (and that still made her shake her head in sheer disbelief sometimes, that it was so simple to drive forty miles out into the middle of nowhere - that it was something that people took for granted, quite how small their world had become. Forty miles was nothing - even four hundred miles was barely worth a second thought. Quite astounding). Still, while she could just make her way over to the Warehouse and look up the artefact with no actual problem... well, did she really need to? Maybe it would go away on its own.

Besides, she had to admit... she was curious. She would be lying if she were to say that she had never wondered just how... different things felt for a man. Perhaps she should take advantage of this opportunity to find out just _how_ different. The temptation to spend an hour or so just... exploring... was quite strong. She allowed herself to entertain the possibility for a few minutes before shaking her head with a sigh. No., she didn't know how exactly the artefact worked, and she had no wish to be permanently saddled with a penis. And possibly testicles. Although the idea of it was intriguing, she was very comfortable with her own natural gender, and had no desire to be permanently stuck somewhere in between man and woman. Entertaining curiosity about how it felt to have a penis was one thing - spending the rest of her life with one was quite another.

Okay, so she she did need to find out how to deal with this. It was quite simple, she was absolutely certain that it was, but she really couldn't remember what she needed to do. Pursing her lips, she applied her not inconsiderable intellect to the problem. So. Freud's cigar (actually, there was no evidence that this particular box of cigars had ever been owned by Sigmund Freud, but it was as neat an appellation as any other) had the effect of saddling any woman unfortunate (or fortunate, depending on your point of view) enough to smoke one with a penis. The problem was that she couldn't remember anything else about the artefact - aside from the fact that its effects were reversible - and she couldn't take the risk that she might do the wrong thing and make the change permanent.

So, she needed to look at the file. She could go to the Warehouse - or she could ask Claudia. She knew that Claudia had remote access to Warehouse files - and that was what she needed right now. She stood, and looked down at herself. It wasn't obvious - unless one was looking for it. As no-one had any reason to be staring at her crotch, she should be perfectly safe. She took a step, and paused, eyes widening. Well. That felt completely different. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, noting clinically that her skimpy underwear had certainly never been meant to restrain quite so much... bulk. And slightly less clinically, that the silky material of her panties felt very pleasant, sliding across her skin.

Oh, Hell. Closing her eyes, she thought very hard about cold baths, life-threatening situations, and Queen Victoria. The last thing she needed right now was an erection. Crisis averted, she took a deep breath, and headed back into the guesthouse to talk to Claudia.

She found Claudia in her room - a fact for which she was grateful, as it saved her from having to concoct an excuse to drag the girl away. She didn’t want to have this conversation in front of the others - especially not Myka. Pete, Artie and Leena were all intelligent people, but Myka was just that little bit sharper - and more observant. If anyone would be likely to notice Helena’s extra few inches, it would be Myka. Claudia was extremely intelligent, of course but she was also charmingly naive, and she was unlikely to ask why, exactly, it was that Helena needed to get into Warehouse files at such a late hour. Helena hoped. She was also well aware that Claudia had a (rather adorable) crush on her, and under such a situation she was not entirely averse to using it to her advantage.

"Claudia, my dear, might I avail myself of your expertise?" Leaning on Claudia's door frame - the girl had left her bedroom door open, a tacit invitation for company - Helena shot her the best smile in her arsenal. Claudia looked up, cheeks pinking slightly.

"Sure," she said easily, hitting a key on her keyboard. "I'm not doing anything much, what can I do you for?"

Helena blinked, trying to parse that sentence, then gave up. Claudia had a rather odd turn of phrase, sometimes.

"I'd like to have a look at some artefact details, and rumour would have it that you're the woman to talk to."

Claudia grinned broadly - smirked really - and preened a little.

"Rumour has it right. there's nothing that Claudia can't get her hands on. Gimme ten minutes and I'll have it for you. What is it you're looking for?"

"Freud's cigars," Helena told her, crossing the room and placing herself behind Claudia's left shoulder, fascinated as always to watch the girl work her techno-magic. She had nothing but respect for Claudia's intelligence and capability with the technology that often left her baffled, so far advanced as it was from what she was familiar with. She'd catch up, eventually, but for now she was the pupil and Claudia the master.

"Freud's cigars?" Claudia asked, her fingers a blur on the keyboard. "Weird-ass artefact. Wasn't he the guy who was convinced that all of a woman's psychological problems were because she wanted a penis, and never got to screw her Daddy?"

"On a rather basic level, that's correct," Helena agreed, wrenching her gaze away from the line of Claudia's neck, displayed by the loose t-shirt she wore, which was slipping off her shoulder. That was entirely inappropriate. Claudia was an extremely attractive girl, but she was a colleague, and as far as Helena was aware, heterosexual. For Helena to be lusting after her was wrong. Besides, if she was going to have problems lusting after any of her colleagues - all right, she had problems lusting after one of her colleagues - it wasn’t Claudia. No, her fantasies tended towards dark eyes and dark curls and legs that went on for miles and lips that were so ridiculously kissable that it was unfair to... And that was a bad train of thought. Unfortunately, her new penis found it a very interesting train of thought, and she could feel it beginning to stir between her legs. Damn. Hopefully Claudia would find the file soon.

“Okay, got it,” Claudia said, scrolling quickly through the file. “Man, Freud was a werido, but this cigar thing is just nuts. I mean, seriously, instant peen? That’s, like, bad smut fiction material right there.”

Helena blinked once, twice, struck as she so often was by the way that it often seemed that Claudia was speaking an entirely different language. Or, no, not a language, a dialect. The meaning of Claudia’s words was so close to being so clear, as if she should know what the girl was saying. Oh, the gist of her words was clear enough, but there were subtleties that she was sure she was missing. She laughed.

“Yes, I suppose that it would make rather an amusing premise for a story. Alas, I need to see the file for far less prosaic reasons. May I?”

She gestured towards the screen and Claudia nodded, scooting her chair to the side so that Helena could lean in closer. Helena scanned through the details on the cigars, looking for the section on how to deal with the effects of the artefact.

“Why d’you need to see this anyway?” Claudia asked curiously, looking at Helena rather than at the screen.

“Oh,” Helena said vaguely, “I was wondering if they might be connected to a case I’ve been looking into.” It wasn’t a lie, not exactly. Aha! There it was.

>   
> _The effects of this artefact do not dissipate with the neutralisation of the cigar, however they are relatively easy to negate, with a few caveats. A woman affected by the cigar needs only to engage in intercourse for the organ created by the cigar to disappear._   
> 

She needed to have sex. Well, that was... awkward. She was, without being vain, a very attractive woman. How was she going to find someone to sleep with who wouldn’t ask where the penis came into the picture?

>   
> _It should be noted that not any partner will have the desired effect - there must be a high level of mutual attraction, ideally love but extreme attraction seems to have been efficacious in most documented cases, penetration must occur, and both partners must achieve climax. After appropriate intercourse, negating of the effect of the artefact should occur almost instantly._   
> 

Well, that was going to be so easy, wasn’t it? All she had to do was find someone she was attracted to, who was attracted to her, who wouldn’t ask awkward questions about why she had a penis - and even more pertinently about why it would subsequently disappear. She frowned, realising that this wasn’t going to be as simple as she had thought.

“Hey, HG, what’s with the face? You look pissed.”

Helena forced herself to smile slightly as she turned to Claudia. She could work out how to deal with this situation herself, there was no need to involve anyone else.

“Do I, darling? I hadn’t noticed - it must just be my thoughtful face.”

Claudia gave her a long, speculative look, and Helena was suddenly struck by the sinking feeling that she had underestimated Claudia.

“You know,” Claudia said slowly. “You smoke cigars, right? I mean, you smell a bit of cigar smoke right now - which is cool, I kinda like it - so I’m wondering if there isn’t a more personal reason that you wanted to look up this artefact. Like, why not just wait until tomorrow and look it up on the Warehouse system? Why ask me in the middle of the night?”

Helena really didn’t want to have this conversation. Explaining that she had somehow found herself saddled with unexpected male genitalia was really not something she wanted to do. She was going to have to though, wasn’t she? She could feel her cheeks warming, and the knowing look that Claudia gave her as she started to blush only made her blush harder.

“Dude!” Claudia’s eyes suddenly opened very wide, and her gaze dropped to Helena’s crotch for a few long seconds. Helena closed her eyes, mortified. “Oh, man, I didn’t mean... Shit, you went and smoked one of those cigars? Seriously, man, you have a dick now? Shit.”

“Indeed,” Helena agreed wryly, as there was no point in trying to conceal her little problem now that Claudia had so obviously worked out what was going on. She stepped away from the computer and sat down on the end of Claudia’s bed, running one hand distractedly through her hair.

“I don’t know how it happened. I certainly didn’t pick one up, and unless someone intentionally put one in with my cigars I can’t understand how it could have been mixed in with them. Apparently that’s what happened though, and now I.. well. You read the file.”

“Yeah, but that should be pretty simple, right? I mean, you’re hot. Shouldn’t be hard to find someone you want to do the nasty with who feels the same way about you.”

“If that was all it was,” Helena agreed, “then no, you are right. It wouldn’t be too arduous. Don’t forget though that I currently have a penis, that will - hopefully - disappear and possibly in a rather obvious manner.”

“Oh,” Claudia said. “Good point. Yeah.”

She looked thoughtful, staring at the computer screen, and then shot Helena a sideways look. Helena had a sneaking feeling that she knew what Claudia was about to say, and hoped that she was wrong. She wasn’t.

“Well, um, I do think you’re hot. And I wouldn’t be weirded out by the whole now-you-see-me now-you-don’t great disappearing cock act.” Claudia was blushing almost as furiously as Helena had been a few moments earlier.

“That’s an incredibly sweet offer,” she said. “Really, darling, and it means a lot to me, but I couldn’t.”

Claudia pouted. She actually pouted, and Helena couldn’t help smiling at her - she looked quite adorable.

“Why not? Don’t you like me? I thought we were friends.”

“We are,” Helena agreed. “And that is exactly why I can’t. You are a very attractive young woman, Claudia, but honestly, do you think it would work? There’s no overwhelming attraction between us, is there? It would almost certainly fail to have the effect we would be hoping for, and things would be very awkward between us afterwards.”

“I don’t see why,” Claudia said with a small shrug. “So we’d’ve had sex, whatever, things would only be weird if we made them weird. But if you don’t want to, fine, we’ll come up with someone else.”  
“It’s a sweet offer, though,” Helena told her, suspecting that she had hurt Claudia’s feelings more than she was admitting. After all, she’d been aware of Claudia’s crush on her for quite some time. “It means a lot that you’d be willing to, hm, fall on my sword for me.” She winked impishly. The line was terrible, but she hadn’t been able to resist using it.

Claudia snorted, shaking her head.

“Bad pun, HG, seriously. You must be rattled if you’re making jokes that bad. So. Other options. Leena? Nah - I mean, I’m sure she would, but I don’t think you’re her type. Pete might go for it but I don’t think he’s your type, and he’d be crowing about it for months afterwards. Probably for ever. Artie’s right out.” She paused, and Helena raised an eyebrow at her. What was the little minx playing at?

“Well,” Claudia continued, airily. “Of all the immediately available candidates, that just leaves Myka.”

Helena waited for Claudia to explain why Myka would not be suitable. No such explanation was forthcoming. Claudia just grinned at her with an insufferably smug look on her face. What was all that about? After the silence had dragged on for longer than she was comfortable with, she finally sighed, and gave in.

“All right,” she said eventually. “You’re obviously just dying to say something. What about Myka?”

“It’s obvious,” Claudia said, finally moving to sit on the end of the bed next to Helena, bumping their shoulders together. “The two of you have been making googly eyes at each other since the moment you met. That time when we ran into you at that school, and she had the Tesla on you? I thought you guys were going to end up getting it on right there. I mean, you two are basically a walking example of UST. It’s frackin’ ridiculous.”

“We’re a... a what?” Helena asked, choosing to focus on Claudia’s odd language rather than her claims that there was something between Myka and herself. There wasn’t. Oh, it wasn’t that she wouldn’t like for there to be, or that Myka didn’t sometimes seem responsive to her flirting, but she’d never given Helena any indication that she wasn’t just friendly.

“UST,” Claudia repeated. “Unresolved Sexual Tension. If this were a TV show which, by the way, would be awesome, and I would so totally be the star, then the two of you would have, like, your own little fan following who would be convinced that you were secretly screwing.”

“I see,” Helena said faintly. “What on earth makes you so sure?”

“Aside from the way you’re always checking out her butt? And the way she stares at you when she thinks you’re not looking? And the way you’re always so flirty - and don’t tell me you do that with everyone, you turn it all the way up to eleven with her. And the way she was totally not surprised when you said you were into girls - I didn’t miss that little smirk even if you did.”

“Aside from that,” Helena said, because none of that was even slightly conclusive. It was circumstantial at best, and was based entirely on Claudia’s interpretation of what she thought she saw.

“Well.” Claudia paused. “Um. She kinda asked me not to tell you.”

Helena raised an eyebrow. This was an interesting development.

“Who asked you not to tell me what?”

“Myka, duh,” Claudia told her, rolling her eyes as if Helena had just asked a rather stupid question which, she supposed, she probably had. “But, um, I guess that she probably wouldn’t mind, seeing as it’s kinda an emergency.”

“No, no,” Helena interrupted quickly, shaking her head. “You shouldn’t break her trust, this isn’t nearly important enough.”

“Not important?” Claudia asked, drawing her eyebrows together in confusion. “Dude, you have a _dick_. That’s pretty life-changing. And you’re going to be stuck with it if we can’t figure out who you can bump uglies with”

Where did she get all of these uncouth euphemisms from?

“It’s also not important enough to tell me something Myka obviously told you in confidence. Please, don’t. You are right though, at least about me. I am attracted to her - very much so. If it was just about sex... But I can’t use her like that. I... It’s not just physical.”

She sighed. If only Myka felt the same way. Claudia seemed to think that she did, but she had no proof. Unless Myka had told her... For a moment she was tempted to change her mind and let Claudia tell Myka’s secret, but she couldn’t. It just wouldn’t be right. She pushed her hair back from her face, arching her back, tense from all of the stress, and staring at the ceiling for a moment.

“Thank you for all of your help, Claudia, I think I’m going to try and get some sleep, and perhaps a solution will come to me.” She cast a sideways glance at Claudia. “Please, don’t tell anyone about this? It would be extremely embarrassing for me, I am hoping that we can resolve the issue without anyone needing to find out.”

“Sure,” Claudia agreed easily. “I don’t mind. But are you sure you don’t want me to help out?”

“You’re very sweet to offer,” Helena told her, getting to her feet and turning to smile down at Claudia. “I’ll think about it.”

“Cool!” Claudia said with a grin, and then flipped her hair forward over her face. “I mean, sure. Well, g’night. Sleep well. And good luck.”

“Thank you, darling, for the help,” Helena told her with a smile. “It is very much appreciated.”

“No problem,” Claudia said, waving one hand flippantly. “Any time. Ask Aunt Claudia, that’s me.” If Helena stopped to ask Claudia to clarify every odd thing she said, she would never get to bed, so she chose to ignore that particular comment, and simply smiled again, and left the room.

Whereupon she bumped straight into Myka, who was standing just outside the door, biting on her lower lip, and looking extremely guilty. Oh dear. How much had she heard?


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey, Helena,” Myka’s voice was soft, shy. She didn’t sound angry, so that was at least a start.

“Good evening, darling,” Helena said cautiously. She wanted to ask Myka whether she had heard anything, but what if she hadn’t? Then she would know that there was something to have heard. Well, she had to know.

“Did you--”  
“I’m sorry, I--”

They both spoke at once, and laughed uncomfortably.

“Sorry, Helena, what did you want to say?”

“No, please, you first.” Hopefully that would clear up the issue of whether or not she had heard anything.

“I, um. I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have been listening, but I overheard what you and Claudia were talking about.”

Well. There were her worst fears realised. Just how much had she heard?

“I see,” she said, guardedly, waiting for Myka to continue.

“Well - look, can we go talk in my room? Or yours, whichever you prefer. I doubt you want anyone else hearing about your, um, problem.”

“Yes, that would be better,” Helena agreed. Well, it would seem that she knew about the penis. How much worse could it be? Unless she’d been there for long enough to have heard Helena’s confession of attraction...

They made their way to Myka’s room in silence, Helena clenching and unclenching her hands nervously by her sides, Myka looking... remarkably calm, actually. Once they were inside, Myka closed the door and sat down on the end of her bed. Helena hovered uncertainly, not sure what to do with herself.

“Oh, sit down, please,” Myka told her, patting the mattress next to herself. “You’re making _me_ nervous.”

Uncomfortably, Helena crossed the room to join her, sitting down on the very edge of the bed, feeling like an intruder which was odd, as she’d been in Myka’s room on several occasions in the past and always felt quite comfortable. This was different, though.

“So,” Myka said after a moment. “Freud’s cigar.”

Had she been there that long?

“Unless there’s another artefact I’ve forgotten?” Her voice tilted inquisitively, and Helena heaved a silent sigh of relief. Maybe she’d missed it, then.

“Yes,” she agreed with a sigh. “Freud’s cigar.”

“Well, that explains why you need to have sex to get rid of it,” she said. “I have to admit, I’m kind of glad that you didn’t take Claudia up on her offer.” She flushed slightly as she spoke, and Helena raised an eyebrow. That was an interesting development.

“Oh? Why would that be?” She couldn’t help the flirtatious tone that crept into her voice - it was natural, and Myka made it so easy.

“Well, ah,” Myka said, and paused. “What Claudia wanted to tell you, that you wouldn’t let her? That’s very sweet, by the way. Protecting my secrets like that even when you don’t know what they are. Um, what I told her was that I like you.” She looked down at her hands, which were linked in her lap, the thumb of one hand running restlessly over the other. Then she looked up again, eyes meeting Helena’s frankly. “I like you very much, Helena, I just didn’t believe that you felt the same way about me, even though Claudia insisted that you did. Do.”

“I do,” Helena said quietly - redundantly, she thought, as Myka had already heard her confessing as much to Claudia. “It looks like she was right.”

“She’ll be insufferable,” Myka muttered, rolling her eyes, and then returned her attention to Helena. “So, ah, it would seem as if I’m in a position to help you out. If... if you want.”

Helena shifted, aware that just how much she did _want_ was apt to make itself abundantly obvious if she kept thinking about it. Myka’s eyes were fixed on hers, and Helena wondered if they were darker than normal, or if she was imagining things. It wouldn’t be right, though, to take advantage of Myka, even if the attraction was mutual.

“I can’t,” she said, miserably, looking away. “You shouldn’t have to--”

She was interrupted by Myka’s hand on her cheek, turning her back to face her. Myka’s expression was set, determined. Oh dear - no-one could stand against her when she was determined.

“I heard that, too,” she said. “You wouldn’t be using me. I don’t have to do anything - I would be choosing to. So it’s a little sooner than I would normally like - and definitely more unusual. But Helena, I do want you.” She paused, biting her lip, looking suddenly unsure. “But, um, I want more than just this.”

Helena’s stomach did a little flip. Could she be implying...

“I want more than one night with you, just because of an artefact.”

“So do I,” Helena said softly, suddenly feeling calm and sure of herself. They both wanted the same thing. Everything would be fine. It was all - it was all going to be just fine.

“Then we’re on the same page,” Myka said, smiling, and shifted a little closer to Helena. Helena swallowed hard.

“We don’t have to.. I mean, we could wait before--”

“We could,” Myka interrupted, placing on hand on Helena’s thigh, nails teasing lightly through the fabric of her pants. “But just because we could, that doesn’t mean we have to, does it?”

“No,” Helena agreed, hearing her own voice coming thickly from her throat. Her eyelids fluttered as Myka’s hand stroked up along her leg, but she didn’t close them because she couldn’t miss any of the expressions that were flitting across Myka’s face.

She looked fascinated, eyes fixed on Helena, as if she were as loath to miss anything as Helena was. She bit her bottom lip and Helena swallowed at the sight of those even white teeth pressing lightly into soft, soft skin. Myka had a beautiful mouth.

Then Myka kissed her.

When she had imagined this moment before - and of course she had, as hard as she had tried not to - she had always thought that Myka would be hesitant, shy. That Helena would be the one to take the lead. But this kiss was anything but shy - as their lips met, Myka’s hand slid up Helena’s arm and shoulder, fingers curling around the back of her neck and holding Helena to her. Her mouth was firm, determined, moving against Helena’s with confidence.

Her other hand was still on Helena’s thigh and as she leaned into the kiss, her hand slid further up until her knuckles were brushing the length of rapidly-firming flesh that was pulsing against the fabric of Helena’s pants. Helena gasped, and she could feel Myka’s lips curving against hers. Myka pulled away slightly, but not so far that when she spoke Helena couldn’t feel her breath ghosting across her lips.

“It looks like everything is in working order,” she murmured, turning her wrist slightly and running her knuckles lightly over Helena’s penis (and that was such a weird thing to think). Helena gasped again, and Myka chuckled.

Helena couldn’t believe how calmly Myka was taking the whole thing. If anything, she seemed to be less uncomfortable with the situation than Helena was - for which fact she was extremely grateful. Dealing with having a penis was hard enough as it was (pun unintended) without needing to reassure a nervous Myka. But for her to be this... playful, was unexpected.

“It certainly feels as if it’s working,” she said, voice cracking a little in her throat. Her mouth was suddenly dry, and she felt a little light-headed. “I have never encountered one from this perspective.”

“Isn’t it a good thing that I have?” Myka asked, with a wry little smile. “Imagine how awkward this could have been if neither of us knew what we were doing.”

Helena laughed at that, feeling more at ease. God bless Myka, sweet thing that she was. She seemed to know exactly what to do to defuse the tension.

“So...” Myka drawled slowly, fingers still playing lightly over Helena’s length, the other hand tickling the hairs at the nape of her neck. Helena raised an eyebrow. “Those pants weren’t described to contain what you’re packing. You must be getting rather uncomfortable.”

Helena felt her cheeks redden slightly - it was true that her pants were rather tight, and that the constriction was starting to make itself known in unpleasant ways. Still, she still felt a little odd about the idea of her - _her_ \- erect penis being freed. It finally acknowledged this as real. Then Myka curled her fingers around it, and squeezed gently, and Helena momentarily lost the capacity to form coherent thoughts. Her hips jolted sharply of their own accord, and Myka chuckled.

“That seems like a yes to me,” she said, and moved both of her hands to Helena’s belt buckle, slowly pulling the length of leather through the buckles and working on the button. Helena took a shaky breath, and then her zipper slid down and the pressure was relieved and oh my, but that felt so much better. She gave a sigh of relief, and Myka smiled.

“Better?” She asked, and Helena nodded.

“Very much so,” she acknowledged, and paused, before saying, tone quite serious, “thank you, Myka.”

Myka tilted her head inquisitively, hands, which had been toying with the bottom of Helena’s shirt, pausing for a moment.

“You don’t have to thank me,” she said. “I want this as much as you do.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Helena said, catching one of Myka’s hands in hers. “I meant thank you for making this so easy for me.” She raised the hand to her lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it. “Thank you.”

Myka smiled. “You’re welcome. I’m not sure what I’ve done, but you’re welcome.”

Helena laughed, shaking her head slowly. That was why it was easy, of course - Myka wasn’t even trying. This was just what came naturally to her, this ease.

“Sweet,” she murmured, kissing the back of Myka’s hand again, before letting it go and moving to stroke her cheek. “So very sweet,” before leaning in for another kiss.

Myka sighed into the kiss, eyes drifting closed as she began to unbutton Helena’s shirt, slowly, teasing the skin beneath as it was revealed. When the last button was undone she broke the kiss and leaned back, slipping the shirt slowly off Helena’s shoulders.

“You’re so beautiful,” she said quietly, eyes feasting on Helena’s skin. “I’ve wanted this for so long.”

“As have I,” Helena admitted as Myka moved back in to press a series of kisses to her collarbone, working towards the little hollow at the base of her throat. After a moment, Myka made a small, displeased sound, and stood up.

“Move back and lie down?” She suggested, and Helena scooted back on the bed, watching as Myka quickly pulled her own top over her head and shucked out of her jeans, kicking them off her long legs and bare feet.

Myka’s confidence was as appealing as anything else about her, Helena thought, although the perfection of her body certainly didn’t hurt. She was exquisite. She was divine. She was... climbing on top of Helena, settling over her hips and leaning forward with an intent expression on her face.

As the lace of Myka’s panties met the tented silk of Helena’s, Helena finally lost her struggle to keep her eyes open as her head fell back and her back arched and her breath came out as a moan. Myka’s moan echoed Helena’s, coming at almost the same moment, and her hips rocked gently. Helena’s head was spinning. It felt so different, and yet almost familiar at the same time.

Myka leaned further forward and her curls fell over her shoulders, brushing Helena’s chest before her lips did the same, travelling slowly down the valley between her breasts. Helena moved her hands to Myka’s shoulders, fingertips running lightly over the satiny skin there, but Myka sat up and caught her hands, moving them up above her head.

“No, let me, please? Let me explore you?”

Helena swallowed hard, taken aback by the darkness of Myka’s eyes, almost black with hunger, and she nodded silently, wrapping the fingers of one hand around the wrist of the other. It was going to be hard not to touch her, but if that was what Myka wanted...

Myka smiled, and slipped her hands behind Helena’s back, feeling for the catch of her bra. Obligingly, Helena lifted her shoulders off the bed for a moment and moved her arms, allowing Myka to slip the newly-freed garment away from her body and drop it carelessly to the side. Then she returned to her former position of submission - although she didn’t feel dominated, rather, she felt worshipped.

“So perfect,” Myka murmured, and leaned down to take one of Helena’s nipples between her lips.

When Helena felt the pointed tip of Myka’s tongue flickering over her skin, her breath caught in the back of her throat with a whimper, and again she could feel Myka smiling against her. Then Myka pulled back a little and blew across the wet flesh, the stream of air feeling icy cold, causing Helena’s nipple to screw itself up in protest, before she replaced her mouth which now felt almost burning hot.

Myka spent a long time worshipping her breasts with long, open-mouthed kisses, as if she wanted to brand ever inch of skin as hers. The first time she used her teeth, a light, experimental nip, Helena jerked and gasped, shivering all over, and from then on the kisses were interspersed with light bites in an unpredictable pattern that had Helena tensing with delightful anticipation. When her breasts were so sensitive that she almost couldn’t take any more stimulation and the slow, barely-there rock of Myka’s hips against her threatened to drive her mad, she felt Myka shift her weight and the kisses started to work their way down Helena’s body.

The light brush of Myka’s hair against her skin was delightfully tickly, making her squirm and causing Myka to press her shoulders into the bed with a chuckle. When the kisses passed over her stomach her muscles twisted under her skin and when Myka slid down between her legs and rubbed her cheek over the stretched silk of her panties Helena had to fight to keep still.

Then Myka’s hands were on her waistband, pulling her pants and underwear down in one smooth movement, scooting herself back down the bed as the fabric went until she was standing at the side of the bed and Helena was lying, completely exposed, throbbing with need, forgetful of how strange she must look.

“So perfect,” Myka repeated again, before she crawled back onto the bed and, with no warning, slid her mouth over the end of Helena’s cock and smoothly down her length.

The obscenity that slipped from Helena’s lips did not befit a lady of good breeding.

Myka chuckled around her and Helena jerked at the vibration of her lips. Myka curled her arms over Helena’s hips and moved slowly, softly teasing up and down, tongue fluttering, and Helena managed the dim thought that she was rather lucky, really, that Myka had experience in this particular act because God, it felt good.

Too good.

“Myka, stop,” she choked out, “I’m... I’ll...”

Myka chuckled again, but she pulled off her with a wet, obscene pop.

“Can’t have that,” she murmured, throatily, and crawled up Helena’s body.

At some point, she had managed to slip out of her own underwear, and she was as naked as Helena. Straddling Helena’s hips, she paused, and Helena bit her lip. Was she - yes, she was. Bracing one hand on Helena’s shoulder, she used the other to guide her length into her, sinking down with a soft sigh of her own. Helena’s vocal reaction was not soft.

Myka was hot, and tight, and so, so wet. If Helena had had any doubt as to Myka’s desire for her, it was gone at the feel of Myka’s want against her. Helena had closed her eyes at the sensation of Myka around her, but she opened them again almost immediately, to see Myka poised, still, above her, eyebrows drawn just a little together, breath coming so fast it was making her chest heave. She had never looked more beautiful.

Myka reached to brush the tips of her fingers across Helena’s lips - they were wet, muskily scented. Helena drew Myka’s fingers into her mouth, and purred throatily when she realised that she was tasting Myka. Myka flushed slightly and moved her hand to Helena’s other shoulder.

“I couldn’t wait,” she said, voice coming between short breaths.

“Then don’t wait now,” Helena suggested, finally moving her hands from above her head to grasp Myka’s hips, although she didn’t make any attempt to move her, or to shift her own hips, desperately thought she wanted to feel Myka moving around her. It was good that she hadn’t, thought, it was letting Helena regain some control over herself.

She almost lost that hard-gained control when Myka started to move, though, rolling her hips slowly with soft little gasps. She was so close - and she moved one of her hands between Myka’s legs, wanting to take Myka with her.

It was so strange to feel herself disappearing into Myka, but the strangeness was only an incidental thing now, next to the incredible sensation of Myka around her. When her fingertips found Myka’s clit, pressing down on either side and making tight circles, Myka cried out and her hips moved faster. Myka must be close as well.

Helena bit her lip again, harder, trying desperately to hold herself back, wanting to prolong this for as long as she could - but came completely undone when she felt Myka tightening down around her. They were moving in unison now, hips pushing together, but Helena lost her rhythm when Myka cried out again and threw her head back, stilling above her as she pulsed around Helena’s length and the sensation tipped Helena over the edge as well.

She came in silence, breath catching in her throat, body curved back and taut as a bow, ever muscle quivering. Myka collapsed forwards onto her, panting, skin shining with sweat, and Helena buried her face in Myka’s hot shoulder, wrapping her arms around her as if she might never let go.

She didn’t even notice the penis disappear - but Myka did.

“Well, that worked,” she mumbled into the side of Helena’s neck, and Helena blinked, wondering what she meant, before understanding came to her.

“So it did,” she managed, wondering how she could talk at all. “well. That was quite an experience.”

“Mmhmm,” Myka agreed, still talking into Helena’s neck. She didn’t seem to have any inclination to move. Well, that was fine, because Helena was quite content where she was too.

After a few minutes, though, Myka gave a shiver, and rolled off Helena, standing up from the bed with her eyes half-closed.

“Up,” she said, and Helena complied, stomach churning as she wondered if Myka was about to throw her out.

Apparently not, because all Myka did was to climb back on to the bed - under the covers this time - and hold them up for Helena. Helena heaved a silent sigh of relief and joined Myka under the covers, smiling when Myka immediately cuddled into her, wrapping her arm over Helena’s ribs and resting her head on her shoulder. Of course Myka would not have simply thrown her out - but it would take a while for her gut reaction to expect the other woman to suddenly come to her sense and wonder what on earth she had been doing.

“Stay?” Myka asked, sleepily, and Helena nodded.

“I would like that, darling.”

Myka muttered something unintelligible and burrowed further into Helena with a sigh, seeming to fall asleep almost instantly. Sleep did not come so easily to Helena. It never did, even on her best days, but there was so much to think about now that it would be a long time before she finally drifted off into a sleep that was shallow and troubled.

Surely, things would not be as easy as they seemed, or as Myka seemed to be taking for granted that they would. There were so many obstacles that could make this difficult. They lived and worked so closely together, there was the issue of their colleagues and who knew how they would react - with the exception of Artie, whose reaction was sadly predictable - and then there was the inescapable fact that Helena was not a native to this time and so many things caused her so much confusion. She was still learning simply how to function, could she really deal with a relationship on top of everything?

Perhaps it wouldn’t be hard. Perhaps she was over-thinking everything and it would actually all go smoothly. Perhaps the foreboding feeling that was preventing her from sleeping was simply nerves. Perhaps she was wrong.

Perhaps she wasn't.


End file.
